Going Fearless By Loving My Archenemy (TEDx Austin, 2013)

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Screen Shot 2013 02 09 at 4.47.06 PM Going Fearless By Loving My Archenemy (TEDx Austin, 2013)

I've written a number of times on the benefits of having an archenemy. Or at least being controversial enough that you are noticed by others. And it is not necessary to actually piss people off inorder to get noticed, but sometimes you can't help it.

Today I attended, am attending, TEDx Austin. And the topic today, the theme/motto/masterstroke is Fearless.

And who walks in after lunch but my PRIME internet/twitter archenemy. (He will go nameless at this point, but you'll know who he is if you know anything about my past. (if you really want to know, pingme here j...@uber<dot>la ) We've never met in person. And when I noticed him, I walked up shook his hand and introduced myself.

[An aside: You see, I've tried to bridge our relationship several times since our clash years ago, and he's never responded. And when ever I run into someone who is BLOCKING me on Twitter. Often, people I've never met. It's almost always a friend/colleage of this person. See: Twitter Blocking Talk about poisoning the water in the well.]

His first reaction was, "I've got to go to the bathroom," and he passed on without a pause. Funny how he passed on and walked right over to a group of my friends and began talking to them. I laughed my inner "MUWAAHAAHAA." But I left him undisturbed. He's got problems of his own, and confronting him further, even if it was only trying to say HI and once again trying to clear the air, the dead wood, the poisoned water. But obviously that wasn't within his construct of who and how evil I was/am. So he withered and practically ran past me.

But we have to be fearless. We have to risk saying "I love you," and "I am sorry" first. We have to do it without dependency on the outcome. And then we have to go ahead and put the hand/heart out there.

And my frustration with this person does somehow fuel parts of my social process. I am not exactly clear why this "blocking" gets under my skin. But it does. And here I am writing yet another post about HIM. GAK. (That was the hairball I am coughing up for the last time.)

And today, with the touch of his hand, and my genuine outreach of peace, I got his message loud and clear. Okay. Carry on.

So what can we gain by having controversy or outreach of peace?

Like past lovers and past rivals we can strive to be better, to achieve more than they imaged we would achieve when they decided to leave or poison us. But it's this little man's hand, that finally got the rest of the message across.

I am not alone in the process of enmity. And I cannot solve or repair the fracture without the participation of the other party. And when that potential is colored by cynicism and fear, there is very little we can do, as individuals, to repair with someone who does not want to grow or forgive or let go of the fear.

But I can drop the gauntlet. I can drop the challenge and silence the alarm in my own process. And I now leave this gentleman to his ferral fear.

And as I walk away from this anger and frustration, I can strive to understand my own motivations. And from my own fearlessness and vulnerability I can heal more of my own fear. I am not one to hide from conflict, when I'm healthy. But when I'm am unhealthy, sad, tired, or depressed, I also hide from conflict.

Today is not one of those days. But today I can fearlessly give up this old rival to his own fester. With the touch of his hand, my outreach of peace was rejected even as he was accepting my handshake before he had a chance to read my TEDx name badge and discover who I was. I said my name and looked right at him.

I'll take that energy, thinking about him, and move my focus elsewhere. With this final offering, I have been released.

Do you have former rivals you need to forgive or forget? Is there someone who still holds a grudge against you? Perhaps it's time to look fearlessly into YOUR part of the equation and simply, let them go.

@jmacofearth (also seen on Google+: jmacofearth)
permalink: http://uber.la/2013/02/fearlessness/

credits: Fearless logo courtesy of TEDx Austin.

reference: Twitter Blocking: "Sorry, you can't follow the user (because they're blocking you)"

More social media marketing tips:

Most people don't really enjoy being mean; they do it because they can't help it. (from Graham's Hierarchy of Disagreement)

Note: the post above was written over two years ago, to address the attacks this archenemy launched at me when we had a disagreement.

 

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  • http://uber.la jmacofearth

    Thanks to AAS editor for her swift response. "Also, if you don't like what he wrote, it's certainly within your rights to take down his comment, as you control the blog."

    Yeah, but that's not really how it works. If someone Trolls or attacks in social media, their remarks, slander, libel, and poor judgement are there forever. And if they are a judge of the "social media" leaders in the town, well, there might be a tiny conflict of interest.

    So, we've established a restraining order on each other. Too bad. Perhaps a panel on SXSWi 2014, "The TwitterSniper answers his accusers."

    More likely, I'll leave the Omar album for another day. Staying on the positive side of life, staying out of the snark and spit seems like a better plan for me. Brings much more positive energy back.

    My parting advice to Mr. Gallaga, the digital savant.

    "Easy Tiger!"

  • http://uber.la jmacofearth

    Brilliant response. You outted yourself. Carry on.

  • http://twitter.com/omarg Omar L. Gallaga

    A friend of mine who knows the history of all this alerted me to this post, otherwise I'd have never seen it. (Which would have been best, frankly.)

    So, OK, you're writing about me again, which is in and of itself creepy, but let me clarify what happened here.

    You're right, I didn't recognize you until you shook my hand and as soon as I knew who you were, I wanted nothing to do with you and exited the conversation as quickly as possible. I don't think that's outside of the bounds of my rights in the social contract. I shouldn't be obligated to speak to a person I have no interest in speaking with. I don't remember hearing "I'm sorry" or "I love you" during this exchange. If it was whispered, I missed it.

    I told you I had to go to the bathroom (which was true). I walked away. On my way to the bathroom, I was stopped by Jon L. who said hello and introduced me to a few of his friends. I spoke to them for a minute or three because I'm not rude to people who haven't tried to smear me in public, and then excused myself to go to the bathroom (still true). Then I urinated. This happens from time to time.

    And that's that. In the past, you have sent me angry, aggressive private FB messages, written derogatory public blog posts about me and in one of your private messages, referenced my children in a threatening way, which is so far out of bounds as to be past the point of no return. No one does that to me and gets my trust, respect or social graces back. Ever.

    I've asked you to stop writing about me before and since your obsession with people who clearly don't want you in their life won't allow that to happen, please understand that nothing you say, do or write online (ESPECIALLY anything you write online) is going to be make us friends. If I see you in public, we're not going to hug and make up.

    So please stop. You're wasting your words.

MzQ2OG