OTFD is a very effective way to talk about problems. The goal behind this communication tool is to articulate feelings in a positive manner while focusing on a solution to the problem.
Observation
Something you observe with your senses that anyone else can observe.
Example: "I noticed you came home 20 minutes after your curfew last night."
Thought
A thought or opinion about what you observed.
Example: "My thought is that you did not care to keep our agreement".
Feeling
A feeling you had about what you observed.
Example: "I feel disappointed that you did not uphold your side of our agreement"
Desire
What you want (your desire).
Example: "My desire is for you to be responsible enough to get yourself home on time. If you are going to be late, I would like to have an agreement that you will call before your curfew."
from Quantum Learning
@jmacofearth
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Tags: bad dad, being dad, consequences, dad, fatherhood, good dad, ho-dad parenting, observe thought feeling desire, otfd, parent hacks, quantum learning, take responsibility for your actions
"They [kids] do not understand how to discover their strengths, pursue goals, make decisions, solve problems and resolve conflicts," she added. Ms. DePorter launched the SuperCamps to give kids confidence to develop and follow their own interests and curiosities.
Sounds like an intensive summer school, doesn't it? Yet kids want to keep coming back. The SuperCamp experience shows that to pique a kid's curiosity translates into a fun experience. I imagine they are inspired once they look inside themselves and find new ways to reach out to everything around them. I latched onto Quantum's program because it became obvious to me that, with notable exceptions, our school system is not preparing young people for a society of hyper-connected networks.
Super Camps
@jmacofearth
permalink: http://bit.ly/supercamps
Tags: bad dad, being dad, connected networks, consequences, dad, fatherhood, good dad, ho-dad parenting, intensive summer, parent hacks, quantum learning, super camps, supercamps, take responsibility for your actions
When an apology is necessary, the 4 Part Apology is a great way to help a person look beyond the actual incident to the consequences of behavior. By defining those consequences and choosing a different behavior, both individuals remain thoughtful and supportive rather than angry and resentful.
Acknowledge: Take responsibility for your actions and behaviors. Use "I" statements.
Examples: "I acknowledge that I hurt your feelings when I said those things about you." … or … "I acknowledge that I borrowed your MP3 player without asking you."
Apologize: Acknowledge the "cost" to others. If unaware of "cost" then ask.
Examples:
"I apologize for hurting you and I realize that I may have ruined our relationship." … or … "I know that I must have caused some damage, can you help me understand what that damage was? …. I apologize for ________ because it hurt you."
Make it Right: Deal with the consequences of behavior. Ask the person, "Is there anything I can do to make it right?"
Examples:
"What can I do to make it right?" … or … "I want to do something to help maintain our friendship. I would like to spend more time with you."
Recommit: Make a commitment to appropriate behavior. Commit to not having the same behavior again.
Examples: "I agree to speak with good purpose." … or … "I agree to ask before I borrow anything from you."
from Quantum Learning
Tags: 4 part apology, apology, bad dad, being dad, consequences, dad, fatherhood, good dad, ho-dad parenting, parent hacks, quantum learning, take responsibility for your actions
