It’s easy for me to see the last area of mastery in my life is diet and fitness. The two are inextricably tied together. I have had various levels of fitness in my life. From my ultrafit moment as a teenage swimmer in high school. To my obese periods, usually marked by a hard depression.
Today I’ve got most of the emotional issues under management, but it’s the diet, eating right, part of the equation that I’m setting off to learn more about and to use as the final frontier between me and unlocking the me I know I can be. I’m not aiming for my swimming body, but I’m clear that I am carrying 30 or so pounds (50?) of unnecessary weight. And while I’m “comfortable with myself” at this moment, I am aware that I’m not at a level of fitness that would make me very attractive to myself. If I was a woman, I wouldn’t date me. ACK. That’s kind of a bummer. And I’m thinking most of the relationships I’d like to have are with women who are quite a bit more fit than I am.
And I don’t think fitness and diet can be attacked separately. I have been upping my activity and my workouts methodically over the last two years. And while I’m pretty regular at 5-days a week, I’m also at one of the heaviest periods of my adult life. What? What gives?
Let’s see. I’m exercising but I’m still eating poorly. I’m still going for the gut-killing late night snacks. And my choices, at this point, are awful. So how can I clean up my snacks, address my imbalances metabolically, and even up the quality and quantity of my exercise to reach a fitness level that I know I’m capable of. If I could coordinate my efforts, and combine some of the technologies and software programs available for free, maybe I could unlock the last chapter in my lifelong struggle to maintain a healthy fitness level.
I am out of balance right now in one main area of my life. Fitness. I am fat. Most of the time I don’t feel fat. But a picture or a step on the scale tends to sober my happiness and positive body image up a bit. I’m heavy. I occasionally feel bloated. A few of my pants, that I wore comfortably a few years ago are too tight to button up. DAMN. I guess the hunt is on.
For the most part I am emotionally happy. I’d like to be in a relationship, but that’s partially unfulfilled due to my lack of attention and perhaps, I’d hate to admit it, due to my fatness and not my fitness. I don’t think I’m fat. Isn’t that funny? I don’t feel unhealthy. In fact, emotionally I’m as healthy as I’ve ever been in my life. BUT, that’s not the point.
Often what we feel is not the reality of the situation. I feel happy and fulfilled and attractive. And there are plenty of women who would find me attractive right at this very moment. But given a preference, I’d prefer a woman of a certain fitness. Not uber-fit, but active. And while I’d say I’m very active, I’m also not within that range of fitness that I would find within my levels of attractiveness.
Let’s change that.