Okay, I splurged and got the 7 Plus with 128 gigs of ram. Woohoo! And so far… I’m thinking "no big deal."

Yes, it’s a bit faster than my original 6. Yes, it’s bigger, but I’m still not sure I like the larger form factor. (It’s harder to text with one hand.) And yes, the new dual camera is supposed to be awesome. Again, so far… "Not so much."

What do we really want from a new phone?

• Longer battery life
• Magic tricks
• Artificial Intelligence
• Not to Fuck Things Up

And so far, there’s a setting on my iPhone 7 that I can’t seem to turn off. It’s spell checking, or predicting from the first letter I type. Sometimes I have to hit the "I" button three times before an "I" appears because the phone is certain it knows what I want to type rather than what I’m typing. I’ve tried turning off "predictive text" but it keeps doing it. I’m going to the Apple store and asking a Genius to help me with this. It’s the first "fucked things up" about the iPhone 7. The other is the bigger size. Sure, it get more pixels, but it’s damn bulky. I got the Plus because of the new camera, and get this, the cool app for the new camera has just been released in the 10.1 software for the phone. It IS cool, though, so …

Okay, if I were not writing about the iPhone 7, if I didn’t want to review it and revel in its amazing new camera, I would not have bought a new phone. My iPhone 6 was fine. I liked the size. I was noticing the speed of some apps loading was taking a bit long… But that’s no reason for a new, nearly $1,000 phone. Do you realize I could have 2 Dell laptops for the price of this phone? I know, who wants a Dell laptop, but I’m just comparing.

Next up, the new MacBook Pro with "magic touchbar" and fucked up ports. Oh joy.

John McElhenney

@jmacofearth

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