Occasionally a piece of content strikes me as vital and important. It’s hard to know how to GET THE MESSAGE OUT. So, this morning (5:30 am) a substack message came in with the words below about being mindful of the words you are using and more importantly what you are talking about.

Seven Sins of Conversation

1. Gossip Spreading unverified information about others is not a great look for a leader. It damages trust and respect.
2. Judgmentalism Leaders refrain from being judgy. For our own sake, we should strive to be open-minded and non-judgmental.
3. Negativity Focusing on the downsides of everything sucks the energy out of every situation.
4. Complaining Instead of dwelling on problems, seek solutions and address issues constructively.
5. Exaggeration Exaggerating facts or embellishing stories can erode trust and credibility.
6. Excuses Making excuses for one’s actions or avoiding responsibility hinders personal growth and teamwork.
7. Dogmatism Being dogmatic means holding rigid and inflexible beliefs without considering alternative perspectives.

Content shared from Oliver – get his newsletter here https://sparklp.co/636990ff/
Or seek out his services here: https://oliveraust.com/

From Your Perspective

Be clear with your words and your intent when you speak with others. A moment of mindfulness, or self-reflection, can help you clean up your conversations.

• What is my message?
• Do I have a goal for sharing this story?
• What’s my overall goal in this interaction with another human?

We need to know that most of our interactions with others carry our own hidden intention. Even if you are not aware of it, any interaction has a goal. They are not always positive. But understanding your own motivation for telling a story can help you ID what you are aiming at. You are aiming at something even if you’re not aware of it. Let’s see some examples of how this plays out.

Example 1: A server at a fast food restaurant on my way to a show:

“Hey, how’s your night going?” Empathy. Connection. Offer to hear a small bit of their story.

My goal is to lightly connect with my server. Give them the acknowledgement that I see them, working, and I understand. Then, to listen to them. They will guide the conversation. If they are stressed or over-busy they will blow you off or not respond to your greeting. If they are in the moment with you a small conversaton can occur that just says, “Hi, I see you. I am interested in your story if you want to give me a sliver of that in addition to those grilled onions in my bowl.”

Example 2: Another music fan at a show last night.

“Hi, have you seen Rhett Miller again?”

My goal is to connect with another fan, who happens to be sitting next to me in the front row of a small music venue. I do want to hear some of her experiences with Rhett and/or his band The Old 97’s. She does love Rhett, and has seen him and the 97’s “tons of times.” And as she went on to tell me stories about a bunch of music cruiseship adventures she’s been on. She’s a big fan of cruises. I’m not that interested in the Margaritaville cruise, but I listen with intent. And as she continues on, I notice she’s a bit over-served. She later tells me this venue is amazing because there’s always parking, “and you can go to El Matt’s next door before the show.” Ah, the “rita” connection.

Example #3: A conversation with a partner about something that’s difficult.

Before saying anything acknowledge that hist “conversation” might be hard. And then ask about their perspective first. And now, the hardest part, LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND. Most of us listen with the dual purpose of formulating your response to what they are saying. For men, we want to jump in with a SOLUTION. “I have an idea…” is just as interruptive as “Okay, but I didn’t mean it that way.”

Listening with the proper intent is as important as speaking with your intent in mind. In this case, with my partner, my goal is honesty, care, and reestablishing our close connection. I often describe hardships as a “disturbance in the force.” Take the time to listen first. The next step is just as important.

Reflect On What You Heard

By reflecting we give our partner the reassurance that we were listening, that their concerns were heard. Once both of you agree that the other person’s point was understood and acknowledged. Then, you can begin telling your story. Stay aware of your goal. (Better weekend plans, more frequent sex, less sarcasm) What is your goal? What is the outcome you are seeking? Are you asking for a change? Be as clear as possible with your intent and then don’t bury the lede. Say it.

I want you do to this. It will make me feel safer. I will be able to relax a bit more. And we can continue to explore our closeness.

Staying aware of your conversations is a great way to understand your motivations and expectations. Then act accordingly. Offer others the clean conversations they crave by avoiding the SEVEN SINS.

John McElhenney — LinkedIn

Check out the new generative video tool from Openai – Sora – in this breathtaking video. The Ghost in You – Buzzie