What do you like to do when you’re not working?

Okay, so if you were working at that instead of what you are working at, now what do you do when you have time off? For me, it’s writing. The good news (for me) is I can write anywhere.

Find Your Perfect Spot

When you find things that make you happy inside, it’s a good idea to begin cultivating those activities. As a *life coach* (I know, shoot me) I ask people this question.

“Money no object. What are you going to do tomorrow when you wake up with 50 million dollars in your bank account?”

Okay, ready? Go.

Me:

• play music & release new songs with music videos
• write a lot
• publish books
• have time and energy for my creative work
• feel loved
• experience more shared highs than lows
• find inner joy more easily

What’s on your list? Don’t know? Well, it might be time to fuck around and find out.

How Do You Find Joy?

What are the moments you remember from the last 10 years? How about the last 50? Are you more interested in reliving and reviving the sad/tragic moments? Do you dig into the pain when depression comes into your soul? Do you lean into moods?

One of my biggest ah-ha moments over the 13 years since my divorce was this: happiness is an inside job.

I could not make my wife happy. I still cannot satisfy any of my ex-wife’s conditions of satisfaction. That’s okay, she is no longer my problem. What I learned was this: she was not my problem. I was not her problem. She seemed to think I was the reason she was unhappy. That’s simply not true. But, when you point that out to someone, they are going to be pissed. So, perhaps, keep that tidbit of self-awareness to yourself. Learn to love and live with others. Do not attach your happiness or self-worth to them. It only ends in disappointment for all parties involved.

Joy for me comes from several known things in my life:

• talking to my kids (when they are not being whiners or “i need some money” kids)
• supporting others (family, relationships, business, coaching)
• writing
• reading
• talking to another human about their joy, their life, and their ambitions
• taking care of my physical body (better food, less food, better sleep, more play)
• playing a game with others
• watching a movie that challenges the viewer or tells an amazing story

Many of our fellow travelers are trying to find joy through escape. I don’t believe this is joy, I believe this is general anesthesia. Alcohol and drugs? Depressants or accelerants. Sex as escape or drug? Drama about world events, politics, the environment, their dog, their cat, their house, their wrecked ski vacation in CA because they got too much snow.

Joy is lost when I focus on these things:

• controlling the behavior of others
• seeking affirmation and adoration from my significant others
• allowing a mood to overrun my afternoon
• nostalgia about things I wish had gone differently
• longing for relationships now closed (living or dead folks)
• how I’m going to keep the lights on in my house (daily cash flow issues)

So, how do you find a new balance for living?

Finding The Light Within

1. What makes you happy?
2. What can you do for money?
3. How do you find happiness regardless of what is happening around you?

Once you’ve begun to answer these questions for yourself, you’re on the path to recovery. Recovery of your innate creative and happy spirit. I believe a lot of energy is trapped inside our “should do” and “must do” things. What I advise is moving your priorities towards the happiness side of your life.

>> Explore more writing ideas here: The Writer’s Notebook >>