A great article from HBR crossed my radar this afternoon. The post was about solitude in our busy world, and how important it is for us to get centered and focused on what is important in OUR LIVES. Not the lives of our employers. Or the lives of our family and community. WE are the only part of the equation of life that we can control. Period.

“Always remember: Your focus determines your reality.” Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn shares this advice with Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars.

Here are the points I think are important for our busy and highly connected (distracted) lives.

1. Build periods of solitude into your schedule.
2. Analyze where your time is best spent.
3. Starve your distractions.
4. Learn how to be less busy.
5. Create a “stop doing” list.

Let’s take these one by one.

Solitude is important for our souls, our brains, and our physical bodies. Time alone builds our integration with our own thoughts. We’re so filled with messages, posts, voice mails, to-do lists, news, phone calls, that we often lose touch with ourselves. Here’s a personal observation I arrived at yesterday, walking alone in New York City.

I am on a sabbatical in the busiest, liveliest city in the world.

On my first day, I was in the groove, AirPods in, music encouraging me like the soundtrack of my own biopic. Yesterday, I did the opposite. I kept my eyes and ears open to the experience around me. It was not better or worse. But, I was more in tune with the city around me. I heard snippets of dialogue, engaged in a few casual and happy conversations with others. Ultimately, I was still alone in NYC, but I was more present in this moment. And today, a third path has emerged. Rest. I often wake at 6 am.

Today, I resisted the call for coffee and creativity and rolled over, sleeping until 9 am. My REM number was off the chart for last night. Great. As I was not enthusiastic about my latte, or feeling the urge to write, I came back to my hotel and rested more.

When I am in solitude with my own thoughts, without music or distractions, I can hear my mind more clearly. What am I worried about? What am I excited about? What are the steps I need to take to get to my upstate wilderness retreat tomorrow? If we don’t listen to ourselves, and instead fill our thoughts with rockin music, inane social media, global news, and all the other stuff we tend to load up on, we lose touch with our own needs, feelings, and inspirations. Even no inspiration can be refreshing. Today, rest. Tomorrow a trek into the woods with NO CELL service for five days. And I am paying them for the privilege.

Time Best Spent is a rubric I have been consciously working on since my unexpected release from my sweet tech job. Do I spend all my time job hunting? Do I lean into my creative writing? Do I go all in on my AI book and hope that catapults me to a new level of success? Do I spend most of my time writing my “great American novel” instead, the one that will likely not make me any money or friends? What do I focus on?

Another piece of data about the science of human longevity came into my life in this same timeframe. Here are the simple points, as I recall them.

• drink less or no alcohol
• exercise frequently in a way that doesn’t damage your body
• eat good food
• protect your sleep – i love my Apple Watch and app that automatically tracks my sleep
• cultivate close relationships with others
• play at what makes you happy

From that list, I came up with my plan. Tennis workouts as frequently as possible, without hurting my shoulder. Write every day. Give time to my two larger projects and see where the energy (soul) awakens. Do the business of finding work (perhaps a consulting or “fractional” role). And stay connected to my friends and family by spending time with them.

Starving Distractions is a great process. Here are a few ways I’ve begun to free up more time in my life.

TV news only at 5 pm on weekdays when my favorite anchor is on. Skip the news often. Limit my browsing of the NYTimes by using an RSS reader and seeing the headlines without photos or commentary. Kill all random games off my phone. Delete social media apps off my phone as well. Reflect when I’m doing something, “Is this on purpose or a distraction?” Stop the distractions and refocus on my plan.

Being Less Busy is a challenge for all of us. If we have to make a living, can we do it in a way that doesn’t damage our health or our spirit? If we have free time can we just enjoy the chill? Scheduling downtime, putting it on my calendar, is a great practice for finding quiet time.

Create a Stop-Doing List is also important. I stopped checking the news or stock market during the day. I stopped buying sweets for my house. I stopped responding to issues on social media.

One Last Guidestar

Get a long-term plan. Know where you want to be and what you want to be doing. Not only today but in the future. Make plans. Understand the required steps to get there. Then, and this is the harder part of the discipline, ask yourself, “Is this activity toward or away from my goal?”

Move your life in the direction of your larger, largest, and ultimate goals. As you begin to take steps away from of the ball of confusion that is modern life and modern work, freedom arrives in unexpected ways. A new business meeting is canceled at the last minute, how can I use this hour to put together an outline for my next creative project?

Learn to say no to opportunities, conversations, and the pull of social media. Find what lights you up in the more essential areas of your life.

Spend time cultivating the relationship with yourself and your mind. That’s where you are anyway, best to nurture good habits and increase healthy activities.

John McElhenney — let’s connect online
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reference: HBR – In a Distracted World Solitude is a Competitive Advantage